Article by Leonie Brasier

Sometimes, sadly, separated parents have trouble even seeing, let alone speaking, to each other. This makes contact changeover times very stressful for all, but especially for the children.  In extreme cases, parents can end up with arrangements or Orders that prohibit them from being present together at these times.  Whilst it is better than the kids seeing their parents abusing each other (yelling, swearing, insulting, hitting) Mum and Dad not seeing each other at all is a very unnatural situation.  There are some things you can do to make changeover go as smoothly as possible.

Observing some basic ground rules may make changeover less stressful and limit scope for conflict. Remember, contact is for your child's benefit, so:

• Make changeovers as natural and friendly as possible.  (Kids will pick up on any negativity from one parent about the other)
• Encourage kids with the idea that contact is great, particularly if they sound a bit reluctant
• Make sure that clothes and toys that arrive with the kids, go home with them - preferably clean!
• If you're running late, ring ahead and let the other parent know.  This is just the same good manners you would show a friend
• Wait to be invited into the other parent's home
• Discuss any issues around parenting away from the kids - they do not need or want to know what the adults are saying.
• If you can't manage changeover without conflict, arrange a neutral place instead.

Some Community Centres have special facilities to assist with this.

If there are special arrangements needed, such as who transports the kids, when, it is best to make sure these are as clear as possible.  The fewer areas for dispute, the better.  It is a good idea to get such specifics included in any parenting orders, so everyone knows where they stand!