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Learning To Date Again - PART 2
Step 1 Dressing For Confidence
Let’s start with the little steps:
What sort of little steps can you take?
Well the first little steps are all about helping you feel good about yourself and how you present.
Of course you might be of the opinion that looks are only skin deep and you don’t want anyone to appreciate you for your outward appearance alone, and at one level that is of course true, but at another, how you present yourself to the outside world simply speaks volumes about how you feel about yourself. Someone with unwashed hair in dirty clothes that don’t fit properly and are badly matched invariably doesn’t like him or herself, this is a fact. When was the last time you saw an enlightened Zen Buddhist Master walk around in dirty robes?
But, I hear you say, if I don’t feel good about myself, how are different clothes going to make me feel better, and the only answer to that I can give you is…try it, you will be surprised, and besides that, this is where the second rule about faking it until you make it plays a role as well.
So lets go to your wardrobe, what have you got in there, that you never really wear, because you hate all this dressing up and besides you never really go anywhere to wear it, and well you shouldn’t have to go to all this trouble, people should really just appreciate me for who I am, and what a waste, better go to the pub in what I normally wear cause people won’t look at me etc etc.
I bet there is something like that there; you used to wear it didn’t you?
Ok, it has gone out of fashion, that is fine, all we are doing is playing dress ups for now, not going anywhere.
If there really isn’t anything there, because it got thrown out years ago, or whatever, then you will have to skip this next step and pick up from the next paragraph.
So just pull it out, including the shoes that go with it, and put it on, put your hair in the right configuration, put the shoes on, and get dressed and have a look at yourself in the mirror……...remember!
I bet it put a smile on your face, and you are feeling really silly as well, don’t you!
All right so it is a little tight, here and there, and besides that was your old life, not who you are now, and it really isn’t in fashion anymore. No problem, but remember the smile that was on your face when you put the outfit on and looked in the mirror!
Time to go shopping, don’t put it off, go for it now, if you can’t afford David Jones at the moment, go to the second hand stores around the city, there are hundreds of them, with lots of really good stuff.
It is dress up time! Take friend with you if you want to for support, or go alone if that makes you feel more comfortable.
What you are looking for at this stage is something YOU like, not what you think the rest of the world will like, we want YOU to feel comfortable, so if you never wear skirts, you think you will feel on edge wearing a skirt, don’t get one. If you feel like you belong in a pair of corduroy pants with a nice check shirt, that is what to go for, don’t let anyone tell you different, this is all about YOUR feelings. Make this a whole new outfit, shoes, belt, and any accessories you want, it will be like a completely new skin to put on.
There is something about those fancy shopping bags when you buy clothes isn’t there? So go and have a nice coffee somewhere with your friend or by yourself, set the bags down beside you at the café and celebrate!
Go home, put it all on the bed, get dressed, look in the mirror, smile at yourself and go for a walk around the block, I know, silly isn’t it! Humour me, you will feel great for doing it when you get back.
Last thing to do before you take it all off again…..look in the mirror again, smile, and pat yourself on the back for making a really positive step for YOU!
That was one of the little steps you could take on the road to dating again, next week another step.
This is number 2 in a series of articles written by Roland Hanekroot of New Perspectives Coaching.
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